I am available to write cover stories for Newsweek, hold down the other side of the New York Times op-ed seesaw against Paul Krugman and Co., or fill in whenever David Gergen is unavailable to supply analysis of President Obama's next magnificent speech for CNN.Or this:
I promise that the only conservatives I will ever praise will be safely dead (Churchill, Reagan, or, if this is PBS, Edmund Burke).
Like all conservatives, I believe in sticking to the original intent of the framers of the Constitution, and that intent was to guarantee a nationwide right to gay marriage and unlimited abortion by using secretly embedded code words that no one would correctly interpret for 200 years.Or this:
I know what you're thinking: How do we know this guy is what he says he is? How do we know he's a conservative?
Simple. Because I regularly mention values, church and family. I'm a fan of charity and volunteerism and giving back to your country. I am a steadfast, dyed-in-the-wool, principled conservative. Who voted for Obama.